How do I discreetly open the ring box at a restaurant proposal without being noticed?

The loudest part of most restaurant proposals is not the question. It's the box. If you need to discreetly open a ring box at a restaurant proposal, the first thing to know is that most jewelers' boxes are not built for silence. A standard leatherette box with a plastic tongue snaps open with a sound that carries across a quiet dining room, and the hinge often squeaks on top of that.

Last fall a client named Daniel stood at my bench and opened the box he'd chosen. It was a navy leatherette box with a cheap brass hinge. The click was audible from the front door of the studio, and he flinched. We replaced it with a slim wooden slide-lid box that cost about $55. He still almost lost the ring later because he put the box in his trouser pocket at dinner, and the lid slid open when he sat down. He felt it against his thigh before anything fell out.

Before you leave the house

Do the simple things first. Open and close the box a dozen times with one hand while watching television. That tells you exactly where the pressure sits and whether the clasp needs two thumbs or one. If the snap is loud, do not keep it. Most big-box jewelry stores use the same stiff plastic insert, and it will pop like a carrot snapping. Spend the money on a box designed to be quiet. A wooden slide-lid, a soft leather envelope with a magnetic flap, or a hinged box with a waxed wooden pivot all work better. Budget $40 to $90.

• Carry the box in an inside jacket pocket, not a trouser pocket. It stays accessible without being bent when you sit.
• If you are not wearing a jacket, keep it in a small bag or on the seat beside you. Not a back pocket. Never a back pocket.
• Put a tiny piece of tape on the hinge side so you can orient the ring without looking.
• Do not wrap the box in a napkin. Lint finds the prongs.

At the table

The goal is not to hide the box permanently, and it is not to make a ceremony out of the reveal. It is to avoid the sudden, fumbling reach that makes the whole dining room turn. When you are ready, put both hands in your lap under the edge of the tablecloth. Open the box there, not above the table. Keep the lid low against your palm and use your thumbs on the longer edge. You are not flipping a coin. You are peeling the lid back just far enough to confirm the ring is facing the right way. Then set the open box on the table with the ring toward your partner, still half-covered by your hand.

If the box has a snap closure, do not open it by digging a thumbnail in and pulling. That is what makes the sound. Pinch the release gently with both thumb and forefinger and ease the tab over the catch. You want pressure, not speed. Once it is open, leave it open. Closing it again just doubles your chances of snapping it shut during the speech.

Tell the maître d' or your server before the meal that you will be proposing between courses. Ask them to hold the coffee or dessert for thirty minutes after entrees are cleared and to avoid walking a four-top worth of plates past the table right at that moment. You do not need a flash mob. You need one less interruption.

No one is watching you as closely as you think. A restaurant is a place full of fidgeting hands, napkins, phones, and silverware. The small motion of a box opening under a table in a dim room is lost in all of that. The ring is the thing they notice. Let the box be boring.

Daniel told me the ring on the table was quiet. The box, as it turned out, was not the problem. His hands were shaking. That part no jeweler can fix.